Dark Phoenix

0.2/10 stinky bananas

Bad movie.

What moron thought it was a good idea to do the phoenix storyline again? Nobody cares about this phoenix crap. Now, we have two X-Men movies about it? Jesus Christ.

The alien bad guys stink out loud. Horrible villains.

X-Men: Dark Phoenix has a dogshit script. The movie makes no fucking sense. Professor X tries to help a little girl get over some fucked up shit (she kills her mom and her dad hates her). The same girl ends up inhaling a space cloud and goes bezerk. For some reason, all the X-Men blame Professor X for Jean Grey's problems. Then, Jean Grey crunches one cop car and the U.S. government wants to intern all mutants, the same mutants that have saved the world on multiple occasions. Seems a bit dramatic.

That's not all. The WORST scene in the history of the X-Men franchise occurs in this movie. Jean makes Charles (a paralyzed man) walk up some stairs. What the fuck is the point of that? Is she trying to humiliate him in front of the alien lady she met thirty seconds before? Is she trying to perform a miracle and fix his paralysis? I fucking HATE that scene. It makes me irrationally angry. Whoever drew that one up should be given a life sentence in Guantanamo Bay.

This movie marks the official death of the X-Men franchise. It was an abrupt ending, but there is no coming back from a movie this fucking bad. Give the X-Men to Kevin Feige and let him work his magic.

Don't waste your time with this one, folks.