X-Men: Apocalypse

5.9/10 stinky bananas

X-Men: Apocalypse is a real mixed bag. Some of it's great. Some of it's garbage.

Everything about this movie is a serious step down from Days of Future Past. The writing, the acting, the characters, the action - everything is substantially worse.

Apocalypse is an average villain. They absolutely wasted Oscar Isaac, and his suit fucking sucks. Apocalypse has terrible taste in henchman; Psylocke, Angel, and baby Storm are in your Four Horseman of the Apocalypse? Granted, Magneto is a good pick, but the other three are fucking useless. Angel is just a dude with wings. Storm doesn't do fucking shit in this movie. And Psylocke just has a laser hand, which sounds cool on paper, but in reality, it's not.

Why did they make Nightcrawler some wimpy loser? I hate him. Every time I saw his face on screen it made me viscerally angry. What a complete waste of a great character.

It must be noted that Sophie Turner is a terrible actress. For years, we let her get away with being awful on Game of Thrones, and now she's trying to ruin the X-Men movies. This is on us, as a society, for not speaking up when we had the chance. The kid that plays Cyclops stinks too.

Amidst all the shit, there are some good parts:

• Magneto's family getting killed and then Magneto dusting the cops with a necklace (he's the best),

• Apocalypse hijacking Cerebro was a cool move,

• They ran back the slow motion Quicksilver scene from Days of Future Past and it still rocked,

• Wolverine carnage. Always fun.

Skippable movie. Disappointing entry into the X-Men franchise.