Saltburn

7.9/10 stinky bananas

This movie has an age limit. If you are 50+ (or deeply religious), I guarantee you turn your TV off after the bathtub scene. Saltburn is not for the faint of heart.

Let's get the sick stuff out of the way first. No.1 - The filmmaker should be thrown in jail for subjecting me to that bathwater scene. It's the closest I've ever been to throwing up while watching a movie. No. 2 - The period scene... JAIL! No.3 - Barry fucking that guy's grave is overkill. The worst part about it is that the actor, Barry Keoghan, improvised the scene. Should we throw that guy in prison as a preventative measure to protect society from the crimes he will eventually commit? I vote yes. It should be stated that they definitely put these scenes in the movie just to gross people out and get people to talk about Saltburn, but hey, it worked so congrats to them.

I'm going to jot down the rest of my thoughts in point form because I don't feel like writing paragraphs right now:

• The movie is a bit too long, they could've easily cut the fat and made the movie 30 minutes shorter.

• When Barry Keoghan wasn't sucking up his buddy's jizzwater or plowing his grave, he was excellent. In fact, everybody in this put in strong performances.

• Great soundtrack.

• Beautifully shot.

• Good twist.

• How did the Dad and Carrey Mulligan die? Why didn't they show how he killed them? I don't get that.

• Naked dance scene is pretty great. Hilarious way to end the movie.

IF YOU'RE 50+ OR EXTREMELY CONSERVATIVE DON'T WATCH SALTBURN. YOU WILL NOT LIKE IT. So nice of me to save the olds from being angered by a movie.