One Battle After Another

5.6/10 stinky bananas

Predictable and slow. The acting performances save this movie from being a complete dud.

Leo, Sean Penn, and Benicio del Toro are all great in this. Sean Penn steals the show with whatever the fuck that character is. Complete freak show... perfectly executed.

I also like the fat guy in the Christmas Adventure-ers Club. He has some great lines. "Semen Demon?" Hilarious.

With the exception of the acting, this movie falls way short of expectations. One Battle After Another is painfully long and slow. So slow that I was dozing off in the middle of the movie. I rarely do that. Paul Thomas Anderson almost rocked me right to sleep.

The plot is very predictable. The kid is Sean Penn's baby... got it, who cares. They kill Sean Penn in the end... who could've seen that coming. Boring!

I don't give a rat's ass about any of the characters. That's problematic. The entire movie is set around the Beverly Hills Ninja and her daughter. Why should I care about these people? By all accounts, the mother is a terrible person. She murdered a security guard in cold blood. She cheated on her "partner". She ratted out all of her friends and abandoned her daughter. She stinks out loud. Forgive me if I don't give a rat's ass about her or her offspring. Hard to like a movie when you don't give a rat's ass about any of the characters.

I don't know. Maybe I got a big dump in my pants and I'm just hating.

This is not a Leo movie that I will be revisiting anytime soon. I'd skip it if I were you. You're welcome. See ya.