Project Hail Mary

9.5/10 stinky bananas

That's the stuff. That's what it's all about, baby! Great, great, great, great movie.

Movies like Project Hail Mary are why you go to the theater, folks. Fantastic movie-watching experience.

Oh, you think it's just another space movie? Wrong. Project Hail Mary is like the best pig(s) in a blanket you've ever had. The puff pastry is the space thriller part of the movie. It's fluffy (tons of twists and turns), well-seasoned (big action sequences), with a little spicy ketchup drizzle on top (redemption arc for Gosling's character); it's a perfect vehicle for the meat. And at its core is the wiener, a very tasty, moist tube of mystery meat, and that, my friends, is the buddy cop aspect of the film. If you boil it down, Project Hail Mary is a story about two guys who overcome their differences to save the damn day... in space. That freakin rules. Just so we are on the same page, pig(s) in a blanket = Project Hail Mary -> puff pastry = space thriller -> wiener = buddy cop movie -> Project Hail Mary = one incredible movie -> pigs in a blanket = delicious snack.

...yikes, what a horrible display of writing that was.

Anyway, I would die for Rocky. I would not have guessed that I would become so attached to a rock-like alien that has no face and eats food by shoving it up its ass. But here we are, I love Rocky. Great character.

PRACTICAL EFFECTS! Seeeeee, it's not that hard. Not every movie has to be a CGI fuckfest. Commit to the craft, and it will pay dividends. The entire movie looked awesome. I still can't believe Rocky is a puppet, that's fucking nuts.

Another stellar acting performance by Ryan Gosling. The guy acted his damn ass off while talking to a fucking puppet. What a beast. Project Hail Mary has put Gosling over the top; he has evolved into a true movie star. People will flock to the theaters just to see him. That's pretty rare nowadays. The only other actor I would put in that category, in the year 2026, is Tom Cruise. Pretty good company.

Lord and Miller are quietly very high on my must-watch list. For a frame of reference, they have been heavily involved in films like the Jump Street movies and the Spider-Verse movies. Anything they are attached to, I will be first in line to see. They are experts at bringing scripts to life. Project Hail Mary is a prime example of that. This movie gives you everything. It'll have you laughing out loud, it'll have you on the edge of your seat, and it'll have you on the verge of tears. When you can evoke all of those emotions in a single viewing, then you have done masterful work.

I tip my cap to the Project Hail Mary team - especially Ryan Gosling, Christopher Miller, Phil Lord, and the puppeteer behind Rocky. I don't know who you are, but well done, good sir.

Certified TSBRSoA club member. Please, go watch this in theaters if you have the chance. You will not regret it. If you do regret it, I will personally refund your ticket*. See ya.

*=no, I definitely won't do that