The Batman

7.8/10 stinky bananas

It's good, not great.

Robert Pattinson is a good Batman, but I hated his portrayal as Bruce Wayne. Why is he this weird emo guy? I don't get it. Bruce Wayne is supposed to be a cool, charismatic, billionaire. BOOOOOOO! If you've seen Watchmen, they pretty much turned Bruce Wayne into Rorschach. Even the opening narration is very Rorschach-esque.

Why is this movie 50 hours long? There is no reason for it. They could've easily cut 30 or 40 minutes out of this movie. I have nothing against long movies, but if they are going to be long then every scene has to have a purpose. Can't just be throwing random shit in the movie just because.

I like the detective angle of the movie. It's a fresh approach to a character that's been portrayed on the silver screen since the 60s. BUT BATMAN IS SUPPOSED TO BE THE GREATEST DETECTIVE AND HE DOESN'T FIGURE OUT SHIT IN THIS MOVIE AND HE STRAIGHT UP LOSES TO THE RIDDLER. WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT ALL ABOUT? IS BATMAN DUMB? THE RIDDLER TOOK BATMAN TO THE FUCKING CLEANERS. THE ENTIRE CITY BLEW UP AND FLOODED. SO MANY PEOPLE DIED PROBABLY. It's a tough look for Robert Pattinson's Batman to go 0-1 in his own movie. It's good to have the bad guy win in movies sometimes, but you can't lose in your very first movie. That's insane. He better absolutely fuck up whoever he goes up against next or it's a wrap for this version of Batman. You simply can't go 0-2 in your own movie franchise. Simply cannot happen.

Also, The Riddler logging on to his Twitch channel took me out of the movie. What the hell was that? Bizarre.

Wow, so that makes it sound like I hated the fuck out of this movie. I didn't hate it, I liked it. And here's why:

• Paul Dano, Colin Ferrell, Jeffery Wright, Andy Serkis, and Zoë Kravitz are all great in their respective roles. Matt Reeves did a really good job of meshing all the characters together. Bravo.

• I like the dark tone of the movie

• Pretty good storyline

• The use of Nirvana is great

• The action is solid throughout. District Attorney (or whoever the fuck the guy with the neck bomb was) bomb scene is my personal favourite.

• I love this version of the batmobile. If I was a billionaire I would buy that car.

The Batman doesn't sniff the Nolan Batman movies, but it's something new and original in the Batman movie universe. Definitely worth a watch, but maybe just once. The rewatchability score of this movie is like a 2 out of 10, I have no desire to go back and watch it again, at least not anytime soon.

Bye.